This post is sponsored by Right to Desire
Have you ever set out to have a very uncomfortable conversation with your spouse? How about one that deals directly with not wanting to have sex with them, even though you may be deeply in love with them and attracted to them. Have you ever blamed that lack of desire on being a new parent, or working too hard, or maybe even timing? I’m here to tell you that it may not be the fault of ANY of those things, but a medical condition that affects women.
Before I do that though, let me share a story about the Mr. and me. You all already know I’m not shy about the fact that I really, honestly do love being able to have sex with my husband. So much so, I lamented on Instagram, the fact that we were on a six-week hiatus because of my hysterectomy in March. You all were so worried about me that you checked up!
For a little while after I had the ladybug, I didn’t want to do anything. I didn’t want to cook. I didn’t want to clean. I didn’t even want to have sex with my husband. My lack of motivation wasn’t HSDD (hyposexual desire disorder) but PPD or postpartum depression and it hit me HARD. What’s interesting is the fact that I assumed that this was all part of being a newly married woman and a mom for the second time over. I mean, I was exhausted when I had Nathaniel, and I attributed that to being a brand spanking new mom, and a full-time college student. Shomari and I weren’t living in the same city at the time, and well, newborns are hard to keep up with.
That’s all true. Newborns are a lot to keep up with, but the lack of wanting to connect with my husband was not normal, and we found out why. Now? With kids that range from 9-19, if I didn’t have the desire to have sex with my husband, my spidey sense sure would go off. From what I’ve observed, men seem to expect to be sexual by nature, and if they aren’t desiring sex, they tend to lean toward talking to their doctors at a quicker pace than their female counterparts do. Why is that? I’m sure that women enjoy sex with as much vigor as men do. Right?
There is something about being vulnerable and admitting that you have no desire to connect on the deepest level with your spouse because it sends so many questions through your head. Lack of desire doesn’t mean lack of attraction, or lack of love. It just means that your body isn’t allowing your mind to get on the same wavelength as your heart – in my basic attempt to break it down.
Vulnerability is already difficult for some people to master, because it means that you have to be raw with someone else. When that raw nature means that you don’t want to connect with the person you’re supposed to connect with the most, it may cause worry. Add to that, needing to talk to a medical professional about not having a desire to make love to your spouse, and well, it’s enough to cause a cold sweat.
Talk to your doctor about not wanting to have sex?! The horror!
Let’s Get Vulnerable
If you need help finding someone to speak to about a lack of desire, and we ALL have a right to desire to have sex with our partners, you can find a medical professional here to speak with, in your area. If you don’t want to speak to a doctor in person right this minute, you can find someone who will discuss symptoms while allowing you to stay in the privacy of your own home.
It’s not all in your head, and this medical professional explains why. Think about it. If you’re exposed to sexual cues, and your brain doesn’t react accordingly, you may have HSDD. If you don’t think about, fantasize about, or remember what it’s like to want your partner sexually any longer, than you may have HSDD.
When Did you lose yours?
Your desire that is. Check out this tongue in cheek video presented by Funny or Die and then take the first step in getting your desire back – because you have a right to it.
If you aren’t tired of videos just yet, you can always visit my Facebook page where I went live to talk about why vulnerability is so important, and why it’s good to be selfish with sex.