Does having twins change your relationship with your spouse?
On the 15th of every month, the Real Talk with Real Twin Moms Series has been bringing you real answers to the questions many moms of twins have. Everything from finding out you are having twins, to delivering twins, the struggles and rewards, and even marriage after twins. We’re getting REAL about what it’s like raising twins, and hopefully, it helps you through this adventure! Last month’s question was “What surprised you the most raising twins?” and this month we are diving into marriage after twins with “Does having twins change your relationship with your spouse?”. Learn a little bit about these twin moms and their answers to this month’s question below!
Stay tuned for October’s question: How has having twins changed you?
Real Talk Twin Moms: Marriage After Twins
SARAH AT SARAHINTHESUBURBS.COM
Sarah was born into a military family and raised all over the world, but will always call the southeastern United States home. After graduating from Auburn University with a bachelor’s degree in Apparel Merchandising, Sarah married her husband, Neil, in January of 2009, and they began to make plans to build their life together in Montgomery, Alabama. Little did they know that twins, a job change, and a move further north to Birmingham were in the not too distant future! Sarah and Neil welcomed their fraternal twin girls in February of 2011, and, just over a year later, Sarah and her family moved to Birmingham following her husband’s acceptance of a new job. With Neil’s love of the mountains and Sarah’s love of the beach, Birmingham is the perfect location for them to raise their family and be equidistant from the two places they love the most. Sarah’s blog focuses on her love of travel, parenting, with little bits of pixie dust thrown in for good measure!
Does having twins change your relationship with your spouse?
Having children changes your relationship with your spouse period. Going from no children to two children at once is the only thing my husband and I knew, and I was super lucky to have a husband who wanted to be hands-on from day one. It was especially helpful to have him support and assist me during night feedings. That alone could’ve taken over an hour, and we had it down to a science in a matter of weeks. We’ve had to adjust to life with kids the same way we had to adjust to life with each other. Raising them together became our new normal, and I’ll always be grateful to have such a loving, caring spouse who has stuck by me through all the ups and downs of our parenting journey. Big piece of advice for new parents of multiples? DATE YOUR SPOUSE. As soon as you can or feel comfortable, get a sitter/relative to keep the twins for a few hours and leave the house! Nurturing your marriage is just as important as nurturing your kids. You can’t have one without the other.
NIKKI AT SIMPLYSWEETDAYS.COM
5 years ago I had it all together. I had an adorable son, a good job, and a boyfriend who was absolutely devoted to me. I did everything right: I traveled, exercised, ate good food, went out with friends on the weekends to cool places. My world revolved around trying to be the perfect woman, and I thought I was doing a mighty fine job of it. Shortly after my husband and I were married, we started planning for a family. And that’s when it happened. Or should I say, when they happened. Because in September of 2012 our twins entered our perfect world and totally tipped it upside down.
Does having twins change your relationship with your spouse?
Having twins really solidified my husband and me in marriage. There were areas where, if we hadn’t had twins, we probably would’ve both continued in our own stubborn ways. Who knows if that stubbornness might have someday driven a wedge between us. Since we didn’t have anyone who could help us with our newborn twins, we really grew to depend on one another. I’m pretty blessed that my husband is an easy-going guy, and he didn’t have any preconceived expectations for what it would look like to raise twins. Without him, those first few months would have been a whole lot harder!
LISA AT MOMONTHESIDE.COM
Lisa is a wife and mother to four, including four year old twins, a tween son, and teen daughter. Lisa began blogging almost seven years ago, and has enjoyed sharing parenting advice, easy recipes, printable scavenger hunts, and most recently, a Thirsty Thursday series and a Me Time series becomes moms need to take care of themselves in order to be great mothers.
Does having twins change your relationship with your spouse?
Having twins strengthened our marriage, but not before it almost destroyed it. You see, we weren’t planning or expecting any more children when we found out I was pregnant with twins. I wasn’t excited to be pregnant and I blamed my husband those first few months because he never got “fixed.” I blamed myself for not being proactive about my own body. It took me months to get over that and in those months a wall went up between my husband and I because I had pushed him away. A wall that got taller when the twins arrived because there was very little time to think about us. Shortly after the twins turned two, we finally had a chance to come up for air and were hit with reality. What had happened to us? We were a great team for our kids but after they went to bed it was like two friends who share the same space. After a good long talk, we knew we both still loved each other tremendously even though we had lost “us” among having twins. From that moment forward we vowed to make our relationship important. We go on regular date nights, we kiss and chat when he walks in the door after work, and I’m not gonna lie…there are times where we put sex on the calendar because the schedule is so gosh darn crazy. Marriage with twins requires more focus on the marriage part for us because there is so much going on with twins and two other kids that I know it’s easy to let it slip and I won’t let that happen again.
NATASHA AT HOUSEFULOFNICHOLES.COM
Houseful of Nicholes came to be in 2010 when she found out that she was pregnant with twin children. She couldn’t find a place on the internet that she resonated with, as far as planning for expanding a family by two people at once, let alone one that came from the point of view of an African-American family. Since then, she’s shared their growing pains, their wins (potty training) and everything in between that it takes to be a wife, and mom of four in the city.
Does having twins change your relationship with your spouse?
Absolutely! My husband, Mr. Houseful to you all that may be new, and I learned to REALLY trust each other, and the parenting style. I also learned to ask for what I needed instead of thinking that he could read my mind. We have really honed in on our ability to just KNOW when we need a break, and we try to take those. Being able to focus on the needs of each of our twins – and our two singletons – got stronger with the addition of the Twizzlers. It’s amazing how going from two to four children actually makes you simultaneously a better parent, and one scared out of your mind! My husband became even more supportive and more aware of his role as a dad, and it was nice to see him be more vocal in regard to the kids and their interactions with others. We are 99.9% sure we are done, but I will say, if we did indeed have more children, I have full faith, that we’d rock it out!
