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I’m Not Angry – I’m Just Tired

I’m Not Angry – I’m Just Tired

This is another post about hugging. I wrote one, that apparently didn’t hit the spot quite right. Someone took that to mean that I just don’t hug, and when they saw me hugging someone else after denying them the right, they fumed.

Y’all. You’re doing the most with the least, and it’s making those of us who are VERY clear about our boundaries very stabby. I think that I’m pretty clear about my hugging rules, yet people keep trying me. In fact, I’m SO CLEAR that I was tagged in reply to a tweet several times that my friend Luvvie sent out last week. It was asking how do you respectfully decline a hug from someone without being rude.

My answer? You don’t. It’s not rude to establish boundaries. It’s rude to ignore them. I’m not going to apologize for not making you comfortable while simultaneously making myself uncomfortable. If I don’t force my children to hug random people, why would I force myself?

Luvvie even admitted that she’s not honoring her own boundaries by giving in to hugs with people that she doesn’t vibe with.

Here’s the thing though. No matter how famous a person gets, they don’t owe fans ANY part of their body. At all. They may owe them great work, or not, or even great singing, acting, writing, performing, if that’s what they are paying for. However, your dollars don’t pay for access to their person, and once folks realize that, the world will be a better place.

Remember when Jerry Seinfeld wouldn’t hug Kesha, and everyone called him rude for it? Yeah, I’m one of the folks who openly cheered, and didn’t think the situation awkward at all. Famous people to famous people, don’t get that privilege either. His body his rules. If the roles were reversed and Jerry did to Kesha what she did to him, I WOULD SAY THE SAME THING!

I always HATE that I have to liken it to the ridiculous attention that women get from men that they don’t want. A LOT of people seem to think that it’s really hilarious to let me know that they are GOING TO HUG ME WHETHER I LIKE IT OR NOT when they see me. That’s not cool. Others always have to announce “SHE HUGS ME” whenever someone is denied and that’s also not cool. It’s actually quite rude.

***Please note, the folks below were not being rude.***

What’s ironic is that while at Mom 2.0 this year, I probably was photographed hugging more people than I’ve ever been before. I blame the Iris Awards. There were friends there who have supported me through every step of We Sow We Grow, and they cheered me on the loudest when other people didn’t quite get it. But you didn’t really need to know the reasoning behind those photos because it’s my prerogative who I hug or don’t. It’s not one of those consider yourself blessed situations, it’s just – be glad I told you instead of ignoring your advances for a weekend.

So, my hug loving friends, please be aware of not pulling someone into your embrace who may not like it. You may finally have a relationship that blossoms into a hug giving one, but just like the old adage says: “If it don’t fit, don’t force it. Just relax and let it go. Just ’cause that’s how you want it, doesn’t mean it will be so.”

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Thursday 13th of June 2019

I am a very big hugger, and have been most of my life. Some likened it to me being needy and looking for attention, and some said that I was very loving and caring. It doesn’t stop me from hugging people because that’s my way of showing love, support, appreciation, etc. However, since reading your take on hugs, im now more aware of how other people see the act of hugging and i now ask, is it ok if I give them a hug, and if they say no, I don’t get offended at all. I say ok, and keep it moving. It’s funny though because they will think that I am offended, but I’m truly not. I really love hugs but it won’t kill me if I can’t hug you. A genuine smile and a handshake also does the job. I thank you for your transparency on this matter. Side note: soooooo happy about your wins. I’ve been a fan for a long time, and you are a friend in my head. Much love to you and keep up the awesome work that you bring.

Natasha Nicholes

Monday 17th of June 2019


You're making my heart swell! I don't get people calling you needy and attention seeking for your way of showing affection. It's quite rude to even put those labels on someone, right? I appreciate you asking, as I'm sure all of the other awkward or non-loving huggers do. Thanks for leaving a comment! I appreciate it!

LaToyia Dennis

Thursday 16th of May 2019

I am honored that I was able to get a hug....and a long sincere hug full of happy tears!!! Proud of you my friend!!!

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