Hello there! Welcome to yet another series that I have running on the blog – but this one is all about Mother’s and mother figures – to mothers. I hope that you enjoy what each guest blogger has to say, and that something sits with you long after this month of celebrating mother’s is over.
Please welcome Roshini Cope of Glamazini.com as she shares with us her thoughts on becoming a mother. She’s having her first baby and here is what she wants to share with us. By the way, she has an AMAZING social media presence, and I feel like I have a superstar guest posting today!
I never wanted children.
I know that sound a bit harsh and abrupt, but it’s true. I never dreamed of starting my family, or finding my prince charming for that matter. My dream was more of jet-setting time spent with my French boyfriend in a flat overlooking the river. Don’t ask me which river LOL!
As I type this I am 35 years old, have been married for five and a half years and am currently 29 weeks pregnant with my first son.
According to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, 1 in 5 women in the United States has her first child after age 35. One in five … wow! Even though nowadays 35 may not be that odd of an age to start a family, in my social circle it is obvious that hubby and I are definitely “bringing up the rear” when it comes to children bearing.
So what took me so long?
It’s not what you would typically think of as the reason why many women my age have chosen to begin their families so late in life: education and career. I am a degreed professional, but I earned my degree almost 15 years ago and have since been working in a career that I am not passionate about, so that’s not it at all.
My reason was more psychological.
I never could understand why someone would bring a child into a world that was so miserable. Once again, abrupt but true and necessary to be shared because I know I am not the only person who has felt that way. I will also add a dash of selfishness to the mix while I’m being honest.
First let’s tackle the miserable world thing.
I may get blank stares from a reader who doesn’t understand my point of view but let me explain. I was diagnosed with depression almost 14 years ago, and with that diagnosis comes an intentional daily effort to view the world beyond its muck and mire. I’m actually a bubbly person but, even with my depression managed, my internal thoughts just could not get me to bring another human being into this world to struggle like I have. It was as though part of my motherly protection was to not even have the child in the first place, if that skewed logic makes sense.
The turning point came a couple years ago when, I grew into the idea the children, like marriage, add to the journey of living and I was letting fear rule my decisions in this area. Fear of how their life would go. Fear that they would struggle with depression as well. Fear of all the undesirable things that life throws a given person from day to day. Even though those fears are valid, and I’m sure shared by every mother on the planet, I was looking at the wrong side of the coin and letting that fear rule me and direct my decision making. What about how positive their life could be, or the contribution they could make while here, or the fact that they may not struggle with the same things I struggle with, or the fact that life will throw a myriad of amazing things at them as well. I chose then to look at it a different way and finally landed on the knowing that, even though the world could very well be a punishing place at times, I know my husband and I could give a child or two a refuge filled with love, acceptance and understanding … and nothing’s wrong with that
Next let’s quickly address the selfishness.
I’m by no means saying that everyone who chooses to not have kids is selfish; I’m saying I was. In a nutshell, I was primarily concerned with the interests of my current family (hubby and I) and not looking to expand those concerns one bit.
The turning point came when I realized that life is happening, and I wanted to mature and take care of something beyond myself. If I could vow to share my life with my husband till death do us part, why not experience the miracle of mommyhood and all that it entailed. Once again, I was stalled by fear masked by selfishness, but I no longer am.
So there you have it.
All of that self-introspection has led me to my current point, sitting here, typing up this post while my son rolls around in my stomach, and feeling an exhilarated expectation about meeting him in the next few months that I could never have expected.
My old self would be shocked but also proud of the growth and maturity. I don’t regret the decision to conceive one bit, and cannot wait to meet the newest member of my family.
Are/were you a late bloomer in the mommy department? If so, what took you so long?
About Roshini Cope
Roshini is a blogger, video blogger (vlogger), online personality, writer, fashionista and soon-to-be mother. She has documented her natural hair, life, beauty, travel, and self-discovery journey online since 2002. Visit her often at Glamazini.com | Twitter | Facebook | YouTube| Google+ and Pinterest.
I was a late bloomer too. I never thought I would have a child and neither did anyone else. One night (over cocktails) we talked about the baby thing. I said it’s now or not at all. I didn’t want to start having children on the other side if 30. Two months later I was pregnant. What a great spur of the moment decision. 🙂
So many people were shocked when we announced our pregnancy, they all thought hubby and I didn’t want children ever. I don’t know if that was truly the case after we married, but I know by that point we were not in any rush whatsoever. You definitely had a successful spur of the moment decision.
I’ll be 32 in a few months. My mom had me at 36. I want a son. Gotta get married and then guess it maybe time to make a baby and pray extra hard for a boy.
“Gotta get married” makes sense to me. I never had that thought process per say because I wasn’t in a rush to have kids, but I knew I wanted marriage before kids and thank God it happened that way.
I am so not a late bloomer since I had my first child at 18 and he will be graduating next week from high school. I’ve been a mother longer than I’ve been anything else, so it’s really all I know. I love both of my children like the air I breathe. I could not fathom them not being with me. And even though I started earlier than I should, I thank God for my son and wouldn’t change a thing!
Now, onto your post. I am so happy for you and your hubby. Being a mother is unlike anything else you’ve done or you will do. Amazing doesn’t even begin to describe it. You are so blessed 🙂
Hey you! I still think you should join me for #3 and my #2 *heh* … either way, you are beyond blessed w/ 2 thriving beautiful children, and from what I can tell you are an awesome mom so they are pretty blessed themselves!
I’m on baby number three at 35 years old. I feel good but I can say without a doubt, baby number three will benefit from everything I’ve learned in the last 8 years. Diet, exercise, the importance of rest, exercising patience, etc. In that sense, I understand exactly what you are saying. God bless you and hubby, God bless that little baby!
Awesome point. I never really thought about the benefits of knowledge that being a mother at 36 brings {my birthday was last Saturday}. Even though he will be my 1st, I still think the maturity and knowledge will help. Thanks for sharing that vantage point.
Thanks so much for the opportunity to contribute to your Mother’s Day series!
Thank you for participating. As a mom at different stages in life, it’s nice to see a different perspective. I do know that I had TONS of patience with the cellist – and also tons of energy with him. I’m not sure if that is from age, or the fact that he was my first, but mothering at different times and different children surely let’s you know that it’s not cookie cutter. I appreciate you taking the time out to share your thoughts.
I will be a late bloomer when I conceive (currently trying). In one social circle I’m late, in another I’m not, compared to my high school classmates I’m VERY late. I’m 30 and I’v been married for 2 years. And I never wanted to be married or have kids. No one could imagine why considering I came a 2 parent home with older siblings and had a normal childhood. I imagined myself being like a Samantha on Sex and the City (but not so obsessed with sex). My hubby and I talked about children before we got married and I told him I’d give him one…marriage is about compromise right. 2 months after our wedding I was pregnant and miscarried. After that point, I decided I wanted to have a family and I’ve been consumed with trying to get pregnant every since. Our attempts have been unsuccessful due to some unknown health issues but now that those have been addressed and surgically removed I pray we’ll be parents by this time next year. My age has crossed my mind but my mother had me when she was 31 and besides being lonely, because my brother and sister are older, I turned out completely fine.
I also came from a 2 parent home w/ an older sibling and a pretty awesome childhood. Do you think getting pregnant and helped to change your desires? I know for me I never anticipated what I would be feeling through this journey. I pray that God will bless your womb and you will have a smooth and healthy pregnancy.
In the back of my mind, I figured I’d be a mother someday. I wasn’t in a rush. I was pursuing school and enjoying life. I got married at 28 and married a man who desired a big family. We decided our desire was to wait 2 years and then start a family. Only we didn’t use any form of protection and then I started to notice that I was getting dissapointments monthly. Now I’m 31 and have some uterus complications. But we have faith in God that our family will form in due time. So I’m a late bloomer compared to friends and family. But I figure just like everything else in my life this is the way it was meant to be.
I can relate!
This is a point that I didn’t even touch on in the post, thanks for sharing. I can honestly say that, knowing what I know now, I would have started earlier. I’m not sure I mean in my 20s earlier, but around 32 earlier maybe. I still would have been a late starter, but I really would love to have these buggers all by age 40 {which is still a possibility} and stuff be hurting LOL. Anyhoo, I pray that you will be blessed with the family you desire. Thanks for commenting.
I got married at 25 and did not have my first son until 30. I come from a family of four. My mom is from a family of 6; my father is 1 of 12. I knew I wanted to have children but in my own time. After our 2nd year of marriage, people thought we were crazy for not already being pregnant. After the 4th year, I think they just gave up. However we had to grow as a unit; be of the same mind in all areas before we brought someone into this world. We traveled, had fun, and then God decided it was time. We now have 2 sons, 5 and 3, one atypical and one typical. Yes we may have more challenges that others who have typical children but we wouldn’t change it for the world. My oldest has taught us more about ourselves on this / his journey that we would not have learned if he didn’t come into this world. I never doubt God’s judgement for giving us this experience. He would not put more on us than we can bear; this I truly believe. Always remember, we as parents, are nowhere near perfect. We will make mistakes but with God we won’t screw our children up too bad – ha! 🙂
Hi there! I love “one typical and one atypical”. I believe people did give up on us because it took us 5 years to start as well, but it’s God’s timing not theirs that counts. Thanks for commenting. 🙂
I totally can relate to your thoughts on “bringing a child into this miserable world”. Suffering from depression myself, I didn’t want children for the longest time for i felt that it was not right to have a human being suffer so much on this selfish planet. However, the blessing that came with having my princess has allowed me to see the world through her eyes, and it has been worth it. Great post. God bless.
That is another point I am looking forward to: seeing the world through his eyes. Who knows, maybe it will be God’s way of helping to continually change my perspective :). Thanks for commenting!
Wow, coming back and reading this now it’s amazing what I thought and what has occurred. But God.