Hello there! Welcome to yet another series that I have running on the blog – but this one is all about Mother’s and mother figures – to mothers. I hope that you enjoy what each guest blogger has to say, and that something sits with you long after this month of celebrating mother’s is over.
Please welcome Roshini Cope of Glamazini.com as she shares with us her thoughts on becoming a mother. She’s having her first baby and here is what she wants to share with us. By the way, she has an AMAZING social media presence, and I feel like I have a superstar guest posting today!
I never wanted children.
I know that sound a bit harsh and abrupt, but it’s true. I never dreamed of starting my family, or finding my prince charming for that matter. My dream was more of jet-setting time spent with my French boyfriend in a flat overlooking the river. Don’t ask me which river LOL!
As I type this I am 35 years old, have been married for five and a half years and am currently 29 weeks pregnant with my first son.
According to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine, 1 in 5 women in the United States has her first child after age 35. One in five … wow! Even though nowadays 35 may not be that odd of an age to start a family, in my social circle it is obvious that hubby and I are definitely “bringing up the rear” when it comes to children bearing.
So what took me so long?
It’s not what you would typically think of as the reason why many women my age have chosen to begin their families so late in life: education and career. I am a degreed professional, but I earned my degree almost 15 years ago and have since been working in a career that I am not passionate about, so that’s not it at all.
My reason was more psychological.
I never could understand why someone would bring a child into a world that was so miserable. Once again, abrupt but true and necessary to be shared because I know I am not the only person who has felt that way. I will also add a dash of selfishness to the mix while I’m being honest.
First let’s tackle the miserable world thing.
I may get blank stares from a reader who doesn’t understand my point of view but let me explain. I was diagnosed with depression almost 14 years ago, and with that diagnosis comes an intentional daily effort to view the world beyond its muck and mire. I’m actually a bubbly person but, even with my depression managed, my internal thoughts just could not get me to bring another human being into this world to struggle like I have. It was as though part of my motherly protection was to not even have the child in the first place, if that skewed logic makes sense.
The turning point came a couple years ago when, I grew into the idea the children, like marriage, add to the journey of living and I was letting fear rule my decisions in this area. Fear of how their life would go. Fear that they would struggle with depression as well. Fear of all the undesirable things that life throws a given person from day to day. Even though those fears are valid, and I’m sure shared by every mother on the planet, I was looking at the wrong side of the coin and letting that fear rule me and direct my decision making. What about how positive their life could be, or the contribution they could make while here, or the fact that they may not struggle with the same things I struggle with, or the fact that life will throw a myriad of amazing things at them as well. I chose then to look at it a different way and finally landed on the knowing that, even though the world could very well be a punishing place at times, I know my husband and I could give a child or two a refuge filled with love, acceptance and understanding … and nothing’s wrong with that
Next let’s quickly address the selfishness.
I’m by no means saying that everyone who chooses to not have kids is selfish; I’m saying I was. In a nutshell, I was primarily concerned with the interests of my current family (hubby and I) and not looking to expand those concerns one bit.
The turning point came when I realized that life is happening, and I wanted to mature and take care of something beyond myself. If I could vow to share my life with my husband till death do us part, why not experience the miracle of mommyhood and all that it entailed. Once again, I was stalled by fear masked by selfishness, but I no longer am.
So there you have it.
All of that self-introspection has led me to my current point, sitting here, typing up this post while my son rolls around in my stomach, and feeling an exhilarated expectation about meeting him in the next few months that I could never have expected.
My old self would be shocked but also proud of the growth and maturity. I don’t regret the decision to conceive one bit, and cannot wait to meet the newest member of my family.
Are/were you a late bloomer in the mommy department? If so, what took you so long?
About Roshini Cope
Roshini is a blogger, video blogger (vlogger), online personality, writer, fashionista and soon-to-be mother. She has documented her natural hair, life, beauty, travel, and self-discovery journey online since 2002. Visit her often at Glamazini.com | Twitter | Facebook | YouTube| Google+ and Pinterest.
Tuesday 11th of June 2013
Wow, coming back and reading this now it's amazing what I thought and what has occurred. But God.
Monday 10th of June 2013
The Houseful Reloaded: Mother's Day Series: Why I Took So Long To Become A Mother Roshini C.... http://t.co/0yIbVZmN70
Houseful Of Nicholes & Glamazini.Com |
Tuesday 29th of May 2012
[...] Glamazini.com . She was the first guest blogger in my Mother’s Day series. You can find her HERE and she also is the person that went with us on that crazy long and hilarious ride to Houston, TX [...]
Friday 11th of May 2012
I totally can relate to your thoughts on "bringing a child into this miserable world". Suffering from depression myself, I didn't want children for the longest time for i felt that it was not right to have a human being suffer so much on this selfish planet. However, the blessing that came with having my princess has allowed me to see the world through her eyes, and it has been worth it. Great post. God bless.
Friday 11th of May 2012
That is another point I am looking forward to: seeing the world through his eyes. Who knows, maybe it will be God's way of helping to continually change my perspective :). Thanks for commenting!
Wednesday 9th of May 2012
I got married at 25 and did not have my first son until 30. I come from a family of four. My mom is from a family of 6; my father is 1 of 12. I knew I wanted to have children but in my own time. After our 2nd year of marriage, people thought we were crazy for not already being pregnant. After the 4th year, I think they just gave up. However we had to grow as a unit; be of the same mind in all areas before we brought someone into this world. We traveled, had fun, and then God decided it was time. We now have 2 sons, 5 and 3, one atypical and one typical. Yes we may have more challenges that others who have typical children but we wouldn't change it for the world. My oldest has taught us more about ourselves on this / his journey that we would not have learned if he didn't come into this world. I never doubt God's judgement for giving us this experience. He would not put more on us than we can bear; this I truly believe. Always remember, we as parents, are nowhere near perfect. We will make mistakes but with God we won't screw our children up too bad - ha! :-)
Thursday 10th of May 2012
Hi there! I love "one typical and one atypical". I believe people did give up on us because it took us 5 years to start as well, but it's God's timing not theirs that counts. Thanks for commenting. :)