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Get OFF Of My Ovaries!!!

It is with great regret and frustration, that I bring you this blog post.

While reading the Facebook Fan Page of one of my fellow mama’s she posted a status about a run in that she had with someone commenting on how “full” her hands were with her – wait for it – THREE CHILDREN.

The day before she posted, I happened to post a status message wondering about the fairy world that I live in. One where parents of children with less than desirable conduct, commenting on how many I have. And believe me – I figure if your children are PURPOSELY disrespectful and rambunctious, there is definitely something you can do about it.

There are a lot of things that I have learned since having children. How to break up sibling fights that are about to start from a simple eye glare across the room. How to cook dinner with one child hanging on my leg, and another in the crook of my elbow. How to help with homework, when the child that you are helping doesn’t really even want to do homework in general.

What I can NOT for the life of me figure out, or accept, is how open people are with how many or few children they think that I should have.


For a little background. Mr. Houseful and I had the cellist when we were 20 years old. Juniors in college and not as in love as we thought we would be at the time. We got LOTS of unsolicited advice about how we should have “known better,” and how I should DEFINITELY make sure to keep my skirt down and legs closed so that I could at least seem semi attractive to a future suitor.


Fast forward seven years after the birth of the cellist and we’re living in wedded bliss and we get pregnant with the ladybug. Now, I WON’T tell you how many people asked me if I was pregnant when I walked down the aisle, or how many people commented on how fast we got pregnant right after marriage, or even how many people commented on the age difference between the cellist and the ladybug. I won’t.

You’re welcome.

Then there was that time in 2009 where I got pregnant when the ladybug was only 8 months old, we were dealing with some cardiology issues with her, and I lost the baby. One person offered me this sage advice: Well, you have two already. Maybe you all shouldn’t be trying for another one so soon after having the ladybug. Interesting. Maybe you should wear a muzzle whenever you go out into public.

Then we go away to a marriage retreat, and get pregnant with the twizzlers. I stayed pretty quiet about the fact that I was pregnant with TWO babies for a while. Mostly because I was scared that I would miscarry again. I got all types of comments here as well. You all are pregnant AGAIN?! Don’t you watch television?! After this one, you should stop.

Imagine the irritation when the news that I was having TWINS came out. There was waitress at a Joe’s Crab Shack in Houston who actually APOLOGIZED to me for having twins. As if having two babies at one time is something to feel sorry about.

On the opposite side of that, are those people who feel that they should make you feel bad for your lack of children. Not knowing if some of those people who they are chiding about not having any pattering feet in their houses are trying with all of their might, and possibly money TO have a baby, and the “well-meaning” person is doing nothing but rubbing salt in the very open wound of the recipient. Imagine how many times you’ve asked someone about when they are going to finally have a baby, and they’ve actually been trying? I know that I am indeed guilty of this HUGE faux pas, and I’m sorry to everyone that I have ever done this to.

Sometimes, going through something makes you more empathetic to a situation. Other times, it’s knowing that one of your close friends may be dealing with their desires not being fulfilled immediately.

Which then leads me to say – NEVER is it okay to approach someone and comment on how many children or lack of children they have. NEVER. Those who have more than what you think they should are pretty aware of the amount. I mean, THEY have them.

I am going to start answering every “OMG, you have FOUR children?!” with “WHERE?!?!?!”

It’s even more frustrating to me, when other mother’s do this. Especially mother’s with THREE children. Honestly, you have ONE less child than I do, and you want to split hairs here? Let’s not.

While I know that the amount of capitalized words are many, I want you to know that this is honestly a PSA of sorts. I’m really trying to save you from approaching that mother who may have missed her morning cup of coffee, or had that child who may have thrown up all of the Cheerios in the back seat of the car. That mom who is just trying to figure out what she is going to make for dinner tonight. Who needs to figure out how to get one of her children to practice that she loves, and the other to a sporting event that he loves. The mom that loves being a parent, but may be short on patience with adults.

You don’t ever mess with a mama bear and expect not to come back a least a little scared.

Having children is a blessing. Unless you know that families’ financial situation, don’t go throwing around the “but I pay taxes and therefore pay for their children,” argument either. It’s just not nice.

And with that, dear HoNey’s, I bid you adieu, as I go and snuggle with MY Houseful.

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Tiaras & Tantrums

Wednesday 1st of August 2012

(I started to read this last week and never finished and then went on vacation but I wanted to finish and comment). People are so harsh sometimes! Just say terrible things! We've struggled with fertility issues for years and my husband's family have said some awful things to my face. I don't understand why people can't mind their own business! Good for you and hubbie for forging ahead with as many babies as your heart needs!


Tuesday 31st of July 2012

Oh dear I love this post! I am pregnant with #4 and heck, we might even consider #5 through adoption! Seriously, if we are taking care of them and love them, what is the big deal? 50 years ago, it was no biggie to have 5+ kids (my mom is one of 6 and my dad one of 5), and now you get looked at funny if you have more than 2, MAYBE 3. Oh and we had a boy, first then a girl, so we got TONS of comments on how we could quit now. Yes, we could, but we didn't want to!


Monday 23rd of July 2012

People, especially when it comes to parenting, feel like it's their job to give you advice and tell you how to do it. We are such a judgmental society - this parent sucks, this one doesn't, this one is wrong. This one is right. I think parenting is a lot less black and white than we make it out to be and I don't know how to change our societal views on this.

That said, people say stupid things ALL the time. Without meaning too. I try to focus less on the actual words and more on the meaning/thought behind it. Some people say stupid things simply because they are trying to be an ass or trip you up. They suck. The people who say stupid things out of genuine love/curiosity/etc, I can handle (usually LOL!).


Sunday 22nd of July 2012

I am kind of preparing myself for the you-got-a-lot-of-nerve comments at this point. "You two are too old to start trying for a child. Just be glad with the one you have." Really? I heard quite a bit when I had my daughter (including "34 is a bit old to be having a child, ain't it?" and "No one will marry you if you are a single parent." The latter one tickles me [as I look at my husband].) I am convinced that no matter what we do, most won't have anything good to say. Time to put the blinders on and smile. :-)


Friday 20th of July 2012

I get the impolite things people do with regards to offering advice. The part where people do the "Wow, you have how many?" a lot of times is more a "Hats off to you - I'm impressed that you are so put together because I know I'm already at my limit." It often isn't meant as a negative or a judgement - but how else would you say that so that it doesn't offend you?

Mrs. Houseful

Friday 20th of July 2012

I get what you're saying, but why not just say - My hats off to you for doing such a wonderful job with your children? I don't think that a number should come into play at all. Because you never know where that person is on a particular day. A general, "You're an awesome mom!" would go over a lot better than any implication that I'm doing better than what another person could with the same amount of children. Y'know? And I'm not offended when there are obvious compliments. I am however put off by people assuming that they know my reproductive wishes or how I shouldn't have anymore children - or how it's awesome that I have two boys and two girls, so don't have any more.

The judgmental comments are the ones that I am focusing on for this post. Most of the time, I know when a person is genuinely saying that they think that I rock as a mother (and I admit, that I get quite a few accolades on being a great mom - and I need that sometimes) but they don't even compare in the amount of comments I get on the quantity of children that I have.

There was a time that I got out of my car with all of the houseful and I overheard someone say - My goodness, it's almost like a clown car - with a chuckle. I'm sure it wasn't meant to be an insult from their POV - but to me it was. Children shouldn't feel like if there are more of them, then it's bad - and adults shouldn't feel guilty for having children that they can love AND take care of properly.

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