Back To The Middle #NaBloPoMo

Welcome to #NaBloPoMo or National Blog Post Month where millions of bloggers world round are going to struggle with the act of blogging from the heart each and every single day for the month of November. I’m one of those. I know that I have been presenting quite a bit of sponsored posts (of things that I love – trust that) but still. It can be a bit overwhelming to come to a site that you fell in love with when I was pregnant with the twizzlers and not a blogger that was making money from their platform to it being the way that we put the cellist through private school and pay the little bills around the house. It’s a necessity, but I figured I could focus with the support of so many in getting back to why I blogged in the first place. 

To share myself with you. Not everything of course, because sometimes that’s a bit more messy than I want to share with the world, but little bits, parts that I can deal with sharing openly. Sometimes it’s hard for me. Like when I admitted that I was diagnosed with clinical depression, or that finding time to be intimate with my husband was a challenge that I was having. Or, how about our decision to homeschool, and the fact that I didn’t get the hang of it for two years! TWO! We’re doing well with it now, but we’re still kind of shuffling. 

I’ve missed blogging this way. Sharing the small things that happen in my life to make me smile. Lately, the kids have become chattier, and prone to using their HUGE imaginations to just do any and everything. And I let them – of course as long as it’s safe, and all of that good stuff. The other day, I listened to a pretty intricate case of Restaurant with them. The ladybug had set herself up as the waitress, Lil Miss was a patron, and Sir Twizzler was the cook. From my post in my office, it was HILARIOUS to see, but they were so into the entire act of creating the perfect restaurant that they didn’t seem to notice me. The ladybug with her apron and order pad on, she even found a way to balance a pencil behind her ear as she was rattling off the order of Lil Miss to Sir Twizzler. It’s THOSE moments that I live for. To see them being kids, no care in the world. To see them view every single job as an awesome way to show greatness. 

That got me to thinking. How do I show greatness every single day as a mom at home? There are days where I think that I have the BEST JOB EVER and then there are days where I want to stay hidden under the covers because OHMYGOD HOW DID MY MOTHER AND GRANDMOTHERS DEAL WITH THIS ON A DAILY BASIS?! Then my kids look at me in an absent way, and state, very matter of factly – “Mommy, I love you,” and that’s it. They don’t see the fear that’s in my head swirling around on a day to day basis, they just know that I’m here for them. They love me. Purely. Unconditionally. Without fault. These people who aren’t aware that I could totally be a fraud. That I sometimes feel like a fraud. They care not, and that gives me strength to move on. For that I’m thankful. 

Last week I received a journal from a bloggy buddy of mine. On the front it reads,

I believe in Christ like I believe in the sun. Not because I can see it, but because by it I can see everything else. – C.S. Lewis

This quote rings true for me lately. I’m sure at some point in the last decade or so, I’ve lost my sight of God, but the little things that He showed himself in to me held me up. I’m not perfect by any means, and I don’t even praise perfectly. Sometimes going days without spending time with the Lord. It’s shameful honestly, but he’s just like my kids (stick with me here) always stating how much he loves me no matter how much I flub things by trying to handle them myself. It’s truly amazing. 

THIS is what I want to focus on for this month. Not just being thankful, but living life on purpose. It was a wish that I had for Nathaniel when I wrote about him taking graduation pictures earlier this year. To live life on purpose. To live in the moment, and to enjoy it for what it’s worth, and I want to take you on the journey with me. Some days, you’ll laugh ( I hope) some days you may tear up, other days I may make you mad, but I’ll be here. Each and every day in November. 

Promise