5 Things That Say You’re A Mom Of Four

(yes I’m aware that’s my mother with the collective. She had four kids too. Everyone says that we look alike, so I figured she’d be as good a stand in as any for this particular post. Use your imaginations and squeeze your eyes real tight, and you’ll see me. Without the curly hair though. Mine is more compact.) 

Well, it almost seems a little funny that I’m doing this post now. Especially, since I’ve been a mom of four for almost three years now – and I haven’t run out of my house screaming. There are little things that remind you that you’re a mom of four (or more) every so often, and I decided to compile a list of the top five (for me, anyway.)

1. You have to upgrade from a regular car – I know some families that do this when they hit the parent of two mark, but you HAVE to do it when you have four kids. Especially in this day and age. However, if you don’t care about your sanity, or spending a night in jail – where you’ll probably get more sleep anyway – I say buck tradition and see just how much of “MOM! She’s LOOKING at my EAR!” outbursts you can stomach. We got our lovely Chevy Traverse last year and I can assure you, when the cellist isn’t purposely trying to bug the ladybug by laying across the entire second row as if he’s dead, life is good in the car.

2. A grocery store trip turns into shopping for the apocalypse. You make a list, you check it twice. Once you see all of the stuff that you have loaded your basket with, you realize that you could in fact open a convenience store yourself. Four children mean four extra mouths to feed, and they all surprisingly eat the same amount of a 300 pound man named Bubba. *my apologies to any 300 pound man named Bubba – but since you know how to fix food for someone of your girth, maybe you could take a load off and come and help me.* And before any purists come through here saying that I buy too much and that children shouldn’t have opinions, I invite you to come through and listen to the perfected whining that comes with trying to give one kid circular cereal when they want flakes and the other flakes when they want circular. OR try serving Cream of Wheat on day 58 when they ate it for the last 57 days. The Navy taught me to always be prepared. Best plan of action ever.

3. Your home looks like you run your own daycare center. I think that this one explains itself. I have more toys than I ever thought, and what’s hilarious is most of them were NOT purchased by me or Mr. Houseful. No, my good people, most of these toys were purchased by OUR PARENTS! Those folk who denied us great and awesome things like kitchens because we had “imaginations”

4. You really don’t know who broke {insert broken thing here}. Mostly because you don’t have just one kid. When the cellist was my only, I could easily surmise who broke what. If Mr. Houseful wasn’t home, it was the cellist. If Mr. Houseful was home, it was him. Now, these kids give me the Puss-In-Boots look every single time something shatters. Sir Twizzler has already gotten to the point where he goes ghost at the SCENT of trouble. Lil Miss has her best Amanda Whurlitzer stone faced impression, and the Ladybug automatically goes into super sappy mode. The cellist blames the trifecta.

5. You don’t miss a beat when the house is too quiet. Because there is certainly plotting underway, or someone is putting the first sheet of a new roll of toilet paper into the toilet to see it unravel when they flush it, OR someone is smearing themselves with vaseline, or lotion, or your $45 jar of face cream, OR decorating walls with crayon, sharpie marker, or lipstick. Silence is never good. Especially when it comes suddenly. Seriously. If you never take another piece of advice from a random mom, know that silence is never good when it descends upon your house like a horrible thunderstorm.

Okay, so I may be a little dramatic. My four children bring me great joy – although two is definitely easier and cheaper than four. I couldn’t imagine my day without the squeals of laughter and incessant running back and forth through our house. Would it be easier, yes, but my heart wouldn’t nearly be as full as it is now. What’s amazing is, I thought that it was already full with just one. I learned that it just grows to accommodate.

So, what would you add to the list? Share in the comments below!