Why Care?

We’re going to take a break from pictures and all of that to get a little more personal with Mama Nicholes.

Lately, I have been feeling less than stellar. I mean I KNOW that I am fabulous, but I am having run ins with folk who don’t have the same high regards for me. RIDICULOUS right? Usually, I let it roll off of my psyche like water on a ducks back, but with the happenings as of lately, it’s getting to be a bit of a bummer.

First let me say, most of this comes from Internet attacks. Most of the people I have met in real life, and others not so much, but they time their slick ways JUST SO that it smarts like a paper cut.

I’ve been called mean, conceited, cliquish, brusque, uncouth, short, fat, ignorant, and a slew of other names I’m sure in private. Most don’t matter to me because when I reflect on who I have in my inner circle, I realize that they LOVE me as I do them. I mean, they do. And by inner circle, I’m talking people that I invite to my house, that I would trust with deep secrets and all. While they usually don’t matter, and usually shouldn’t matter, the sheer volume of negativity that may come my way can become unbearable. Stifling even. And this week it did.

I was reduced to tears for a couple of reasons. I’ve been focusing so much on NOT grieving in a “sad” way over the death of my uncle, that I really haven’t allowed myself to grieve. I have also tried to take on a stance that I don’t care what people think of me, when in fact MOST people don’t WANT people to dislike them.

I’ve been told that I have a BIG personality. And BIG personalities often garner comments that, how shall I say this…, suck! You’re always double checking something that you are about to say to make sure that you are not going to hurt the feelings of someone in the process. Yet feel perplexed that the person whose feelings you were trying to protect can say whatever the heck comes to their mind. It’s mind blowing!

Over the years I’ve had an imaginary baby (HI LADYBUG) and an imaginary surgery (HELLO HERNIA REPAIR) and still had time to fit being crass in there. Go figure. Many have tried to encourage me by saying that when people can’t find real fault with you, then they find fault with your characteristics. They can spread
venom, and as long as they find ONE person to infect with the venom, then it will continue to course right along until an entire group of people think that your belly is just swollen from gas instead of a nine month gestation period.

So, why care? Because I’m human. And I have faults, and I have feelings and they need to be validated, even if it’s by me just typing them out to an invisible audience. And that my dear HoNey’s is what makes all of us awesome.