Honestly, we’ve been here for an entire night already – but I’ve literally been a walking zombie – happily so, but a zombie nonetheless.
I’ll try to tell my birth story as concisely as possible, so that you don’t get too bored, but it has a LOT of details and I’m sentimental about the birth of my children. Guys, if you’re reading, there may be some reference to my “personal areas” so if you’re brave forge ahead. If you’re related to me, I’ve warned you, so no phone calls.
Monday – December 13 – went in for my 37 week appointment with my Dr. We had another ultrasound to see if Lil’ Miss Twizzler had flipped or not. Unfortunately, she hadn’t. She had wedged herself even further into my cervix and from the weight measurements, she had gained a significant amount that the doctor felt that she wouldn’t have enough room between her and her brother to flip at all. I was obviously disappointed, and resolved to the fact that I wouldn’t get my natural birth – or so I thought I was. This information then led to us talking about a cesarean section and a date that I wanted to have it. My husband was there, and I let him pick the date because I was honestly too upset to do so. He did – the 17th of December and we went on our way. As soon as I got into the car, and before Mr. Nicholes could put the car into drive, I started crying. I was scared, and I was sad, and I was just…..was. Many of you have read about my desire NOT to have a c-section and how I would feel if I had to have one. Well, the decision was made for me and there was no way that I would change it, otherwise I was going to chicken out. Later on, I would be informed by my friend who was also pregnant along with me, that my husband had picked the same date that she was to have her c-section. I found solace in that. I knew it subconsciously because we talk ALL the time, but it was nice to know that I would have someone who was going through the same thing as me, doing it the same day. While Mr. Nicholes picked the date because he didn’t want a possibility of me going into labor myself and having to have an emergency c-section, I think that this was a divine way to start the journey of peace that would happen for me this week.
Over the week I decided to focus on meeting my two babies and not focus so much on my fear of the unknown. Tuesday through Thursday, we washed clothes, got the nursery ready, ran last minute errands, made arrangements for the Cellist and the Ladybug to spend the night with grandparents and just enjoyed our last days as a family of four and parents of two. I enjoyed baths (since I wouldn’t be able to take any for a while after the surgery) and just being. I concentrated on the babies that I was carrying and just began to thank the Lord for the gift that he had blessed us with and for the medical personnel to do their jobs to the best of their abilities while He was guiding their hands.
I also didn’t tell anyone of my surgery because secretly I was holding on to the hope that maybe, just maybe she would flip for us and I would be allowed to labor naturally.
Thursday Night – I ran errands and just got ready mentally for the morning. Also took my last picture of myself while being pregnant. I can’t believe how large my belly was! *faint*
Friday Morning – Woke up at five in the morning to get ready for our 7 am check in time. Text messaged a friend who was going into the same surgery that I was (shout out to Damisha) and let her know that I was praying for her and asking her to do the same for me. In the back of my mind it was nice to know that someone who was experiencing the same thing I was, had me in prayer in the midst of going through the same thing, and I was doing the same.
We checked in, and the FIRST thing that we ran into was a sleepy doctor who informed us that my obstetrician would not be performing the surgery. *blank stare* My first thought was to walk out and go back home. To take that as a sign that I was not supposed to be there at all. Then I thought that something might be wrong with HER (she’s pregnant) and I felt bad. I then started crying (again) and Mr.Nicholes just let me lean into him and get it out. When I finally came to the realization that with or without my obstetrician heading the surgery up, I wiped my face and put on my big girl panties. I have to give a lot of credit to Mr. Nicholes though. He went into overdrive to keep my mind off of what was coming up and we had a nice time laughing and talking and just getting ready to meet our babies. Here are a few pictures of us getting ready for the morning ahead.
Mr. Nicholes was all ready in his spiffy scrubs. This scene alone had me and the nurses laughing our heads off. By this time, I had my IV in, and had signed all of the necessary paperwork – including a living will type situation and the consent for the c-section and a consent for a blood transfusion. At this point, I was semi-excited for the end result and trying to keep my mind off of the big elephant in the room. Before they were to take us in, I had Mr.Nicholes call both of our parents and we had prayer over the phone
At about 8:50 my nurses told me that it was time for me to go to the OR and we walked our way into the delivery area.
My first thought was – Good LORD it’s COLD in here! Then it was: There are an extraordinary amount of people in this room for just little ol’ me and the twins. Then it was: Ohmigosh, I’m still scared! They wouldn’t let Mr. Nicholes in the room while they were administering anesthesia, so I had to be the brave little toaster by myself. It took almost fifteen minutes for the anesthesiologist to get the right vertebrae picked out (she was the type of anal that drives you crazy while it’s occurring but that you are grateful for when it starts taking effect. Once everything was done, and they had me strapped in place (who KNEW they strapped your arms down?!) they let my husband come in and he took a seat by the left side of my head and snapped this picture of me:
This is controlled fear people! He kissed me on my forehead and then once on the lips and we went full speed ahead. I heard the head surgeon (who also happened to be the head doctor over obstetrics at the birthing center that I was at) say she was ready, and we began the surgery at 9:34 am. At 9:39 am we had Lil Miss Twizzler delivered to the world.
And exactly one minute later at 9:40 am, Sir Twizzler was born into this world:
I immediately started crying when I heard that they were on this side. I’ve never ever cried at any of my other births, and it’s not that I didn’t love my other children just the same. I think it’s because even in this journey, with all of the hope that I had for a natural delivery, I just had to put my trust that the Lord knew what path it was that I was to take (and I still don’t want to ever have to do a c-section again if this is a path that I am to go down again *biting nails* ) and that He would see that the outcome was favorable.
After being stitched up, I was rolled into recovery, where we did our mini photo shoot and just spoke of how fast everything went. Mr. Nicholes told me that he was proud of me, and I accepted those words just for what they were. It was nice for him to acknowledge that I was scared and could have been an even bigger baby than I was (and I really wanted to be one – but would that really have made anything different?) but peace was given and I had my twizzlers! As you can see below, I was tired (didn’t really sleep the night before) and doped up on morphine. LOL!
I will say the process of the surgery wasn’t nearly as bad as it could have been. Probably because I knew it was coming the same week that it was. Probably because I just got tired of fighting with how to come to terms with it. The recovery in the hospital however was a little bit cumbersome. Mostly because of the ridiculousness of all the hospital staff coming in at odd times (read = after we all had just gone to sleep) and just not having a great bedside manner. This time it was the pediatricians and not the nurses. Go figure. : -)
Now, we’re at home, and get acclimated to each other. The first night was a doozy. Tonight makes the second night and I am hopeful that we’ll be able to catch more than a few hours of sleep each. Overall it doesn’t matter, because for all of my children, I would lose sleep and more if that allowed me to spend more time with them. I don’t take the charge of being a mother lightly, and I hope that through my love for them all – they will grow up knowing that it has been my privilege being their Mom as I hope that they all have enjoyed being my children.
Of course, I’ll be following up with a post on how big brother and big sister are reacting to the arrival of the twizzlers. It totally wasn’t how I imagined.